Nine Steps to Forgiveness
Participants will go through these 9 steps of forgiveness which will focus on how they approach a situation that brought them harm with forgiveness.
Reasoning
By reducing feelings of anger and resentment that are not serving a constructive purpose, this practice can help shift people’s mental attention away from ruminating on negative events in their past; this can decrease stress levels and potentially even improve physical health. In addition, these steps encourage people to focus on and appreciate the positives in their lives, such as experiences of receiving kindness and love—an orientation to life that, research suggests, can increase happiness and improve relationships.
Procedure
Each participant will first be instructed to reflect on an experience - specifically, a harm that was done to them that they would like to consider forgiving. In that reflection they should be instructed to answer the questions about what happened, what was not ok about the situation.
From there they will be instructed to make a commitment to themselves to work towards forgiveness, remembering that forgiveness is a way for them to feel better.
The next step is that the participant will be instructed to understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean making up with the person who harmed them but instead it’s seeking inner peace and understanding which comes from blaming other people less.
The next step is the participant will be instructed to try and shift their perspective on what happened. Further they will be told to notice that any distress is coming from the hurt feelings, but what’s important is to understand that the hurt they are feeling is not the same as the hurt they felt after what happened.
The next instruction (step 5) is that when the participant feels upset about the past harm, they try calming exercises to soothe their body's stress.
The next step is that the participant will be instructed to remember that while they can work and hope for health, love and friendship but that like others feelings and thoughts, the participant should remember that they aren’t in control. That they can insist on how things go or control how they feel but instead it can help remember that everyone experiences undeserved pain and loss.
The next step is that the participant will be instructed to try not to dwell on the hurt they experienced and redirect that energy into making positive changes in your life.
The next step is to instruct the participant to look for the love and beauty and kindness around them, trying to appreciate what they have.
The 9th and final step is to instruct them that they as a participant make a brave choice to forgive.
Primary Citation & Study Summary:
Harris, A. H., Luskin, F. M., Benisovich, S. V., Standard, S., Bruning, J., Evans, S., and Thoresen, C. (2006). Effects of a group forgiveness intervention on forgiveness, perceived stress and trait anger: A randomized trial. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62(6), 715-733.
Mostly white, college-educated adults who completed Fred Luskin’s six-week forgiveness training (90 minutes per session) reported lower stress, anger, and hurt than people who didn’t undergo the training. They also felt more capable of forgiving and greater optimism immediately after the training and four months later.
Luskin’s training program (Forgive for Good) teaches the core Nine Steps to Forgiveness, including taking less personal offense, blaming the offender less, and offering more understanding of the offender and of oneself.
Evidence
Additional studies explore how this exercise benefits other groups and cultures:
Christian college students at an American university became more forgiving for at least six weeks after learning about Nine Steps to Forgiveness.
Christians from Northern Ireland with a family member who was murdered learned about Nine Steps to Forgiveness during a week of Luskin’s forgiveness training. In addition to becoming livelier and more forgiving, they decreased in emotional hurt, anger, stress, depression, and physical illness symptoms.
Additional cited References
Derakhtkar, A., & Ahangarkani, M. (2016). The effect of forgiveness training on the level of respect to spouse and marital satisfaction in women with marital problems. Iranian Journal of Psychiatry and Clinical Psychology, 22(1), 30–38.
Girard, M., & Mullet, E. (1997). Forgiveness in adolescents, young, middle-aged, and older adults. Journal of Adult Development, 4(4), 209–220.